The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need water and some morals
Randomize
