I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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