Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There was a lot of him and a little penis
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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