I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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