According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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