So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
