He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
