I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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