we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
