I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
