Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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