Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
