After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
