i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
we're so committed to being not committed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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