We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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