I think i sorta joined a cult last night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
