Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
