My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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