just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
