I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
