Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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