doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
