so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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