3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
