I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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