Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
