Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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