Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
