The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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