; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
