Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
