I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
