i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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