shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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