Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
