I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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