I want to walk on stilts...naked
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
