I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
