are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
