...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize