So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Farmville is her only friend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
