my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How's work?
Spinning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
