You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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