I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize