I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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