I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
