Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
