i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
