I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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