is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
