i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize