Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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