I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
