Define "chronic" masturbator.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
