there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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