Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize