Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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