Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
