My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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