I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
