but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
