the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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