Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
