Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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